


Paradise is crashing

by orphan_account



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Intense, angst because I can, struggling marriage???, they're wives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 23:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21418552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Nayeon is having thoughts about her marriage. She wonders if it's worth saving or if it's better letting it go.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Paradise is crashing

Throughout the day, life realization moments in which Nayeon felt that everything she did was pointless would hit her. That all her work and effort weren’t things that would keep her alive. In the end, just like any other living thing, she’d come to her finale and would be buried many feet into the ground.

She’d only rot away in an extremely expensive casket. That’s all that would become of her one day.

And surprisingly it didn’t faze her.

Reclined in her cheap office chair, Nayeon runs through a mental list of her accomplishments in life so far. It’s a very short list. The only things she accounted for as somewhat achievements were getting a degree, actually using the degree and getting hitched by her college girlfriend.

These three things are what accumulated the entirety of Nayeon’s performance in life so far. 

“You’re in your _‘I hate my life’_ bubble.” Her said bubble intercepted by the soft voice of her office mate.

“When aren’t I?”

“Hmm...good point.”

Nayeon flipped through a stack of files with her thumb. Work had been piling on lately which only meant one thing for her. Lethal overtime.

“Sana, do you ever just wanna…” Nayeon shrugged, playing with a pen. “I don’t know...quit?”

“Quitting is for losers!” 

The childish exclamation made her grin at least. “Then mark me as a wannabe loser.”

Sana had started only months ago as a simple intern. When her internship ended, Nayeon’s boss deemed the woman as a suitable employee and practically threw her under Nayeon’s wing. 

Apparently, her strong ethics declared her the perfect candidate to become a babysitter. But luckily Nayeon took well to Sana. The younger woman became one of the few people she actually liked.

Sana looked her over, squinting. “You’re not seriously thinking about quitting, are you?”

“No, I need the paycheck.”

“Doesn’t Jeongyeon make like a shit load?”

A shit load was a bit of an exaggeration. The mention of her partner does have her checking her phone for any messages. And whaddya know...not a single text from her beloved wife. Not surprising.

“But it doesn’t last long. My wife wouldn’t know the point of budgeting even if it died in our bed.”

Sana grimaced. Either out of pity or humor. It didn’t matter. 

“It’s whatever,” Nayeon added, trying to cover her poignancy of earlier.

“Hey, wanna get some drinks later?”

The offer sounded really tempting. That and Nayeon’s sure that Jeongyeon must’ve had dinner already and is stowed away in her study. What did stop her though was the small talk she happened to overhear in the bathroom earlier.

Supposedly, it was made a rumor that Sana harbored feelings that amounted to more than just pure office rapport. 

All the over the top gestures such as unexpectedly buying her lunch, playfully offering massages, and even the constant offers to hang out suddenly made sense. It was pristinely obvious that Minatozaki Sana had a crush on her.

“Actually,” Nayeon tempted an apologetic grin. “It’s date night.”

The lie should’ve been enough to sort of steer the woman away. But as Nayeon had come to known Sana over the months she sure has proven to really set her mind to it as her boss foresaw.

“You owe me then.”

She acquiesced only to prevent potential babble. “Sure, why not.”

The vibration of her phone has her flinching out the deep trance she had with the computer screen. Odd. It was her wife unbelievably checking up on her.

_Coming home yet???_

_ **Still have work** _

_When will u be done???_

_ **Don't know** _

_Kay…_

Nayeon furrowed her brows at the message. Just a basic _kay_ is all she gets? And she’s really got to do something about Jeongyeon’s weird three punctuation thing. 

“You good?” Sana called out to her.

“I’m too dead to finish the rest of these. Let’s pack up already.”

“You sure?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m sure. We can finish tomorrow.”

The messages didn’t sit well with her. This weird urge to go home has clouded her mind so she decided it best to not work with a whirled mind.

After double-checking her bag and pockets for everything, Nayeon got a move on. “See you tomorrow, Sana!” she quickly bid with a wave.

~~~

When she finally made it to her floor, Nayeon’s mood had depleted massive levels. 

The elevator was under maintenance and would be for the rest of the week. It’s only Tuesday. Meaning that Nayeon has to walk six flights of stairs for the next five days to come. She regretted having agreed to Jeongyeon’s choice of the sixth floor.

Stumbling through the door on exhausted feet with sweat forming on her forehead, Nayeon didn’t think her mood could worsen anymore. Until she came face to face with the wretched mess in the kitchen.

The sink is filled to the brim with pots, pans, and other dirty crap. The counter had stains of unknown substances. It was a wreck.

Nayeon groaned, massaging her forehead. There’s only one person responsible for this.

“Jeongyeon!” she growled out, patience running thin.

Not a single response met back. It made her even more furious.

“Jeongyeon! Come here!”

The sound of feet padding along the floor stopped her head from exploding. Momentarily, of course.

“Oh, babe! You’re home.”

“Don’t _oh babe_ me!”

It was clear on Jeongyeon’s face that she doesn't have a single clue of why her temper is through the roof. 

Jeongyeon reached out to her but Nayeon stepped back, gesturing to the disastrous kitchen. “What the hell is this mess?”

“Oh! That! I made us dinner but it’s probably cold because somebody came home late…”

It wasn’t new, Jeongyeon actually making an effort to do something thoughtful, just more unexpected in present time. But of course, it'd always steer back to Nayeon being the supposed joy kill. As if she had the spare time to ruin things.

Nayeon’s eyes bloat. The nerve is unbelievable. “So this is my fault?”

“The mess? No. The cold dinner? Yes.”

“In case you haven’t noticed I work all day.” Nayeon pushed past Jeongyeon, stomping to the bathroom, locking the door to prevent any interruptions.

She analyzed her reflection. God, she looked exhausted. After completely removing the makeup, she contemplated letting a bath soak up her stress or dealing with the issue at hand.

The incessant knocking on the door chose for her.

“I work too!” was all Jeongyeon claimed when Nayeon walked out.

“You work at home.”

“It’s still a job I put aside to cook us dinner.”

Nayeon mockingly applauded her. “Whoopie, so proud of you.”

“You never appreciate anything I do.” Jeongyeon huffed.

“What is it that you do, hm? When I come home you’ve already eaten and are either lazing on the couch or holed up in your study!”

“Not true!”

Nayeon scoffed. She couldn’t believe that Jeongyeon was even going to try denying. “Whatever, I’m done with this.”

“At least I make more than you.”

It was muttered quietly. But Nayeon has keen ears.

“Are you serious right now?”

Money was an issue that Nayeon grew up despising. Her parents were well off but nothing was handled on a silver platter. They broke their backs in order to provide more than enough for her. 

And having Jeongyeon practically declare that she was the partner in the relationship that made more zeros was like an arrow striking through her heart. And it definitely wasn’t Cupid’s.

Jeongyeon realized what she had said and began to blabber. “Wait--I didn’t mean that. Nay--”

“You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t.”

“But I didn't!”

With her pride hurt, Nayeon muttered, “I don’t want to sleep next to you tonight.”

“Where will you sleep then?”

“In bed.” Nayeon walked to the hallway closet and pulled out a blanket. She tossed it onto the couch. “You’re sleeping here.”

Jeongyeon gripped onto her hand. “Wait, hold on a sec.”

“I’m tired, Jeongyeon.”

She no longer had the energy to argue any further. Enough damage had been done.

“Please?”

Usually, she would have stayed and listened. But tonight Nayeon didn’t have any patience left. She pulled out of the grip and whispered, “Goodnight, Jeongyeon.”

~~~

Nayeon woke with a start. Sweat dripped down her face, her camisole was soaked, and she grasped her chest tightly. 

A nightmare. It was the third night in a row that the treacherous night terror plagued her sleep.

For three consecutive nights, it was the same. She’d suddenly found herself alone in a twisted, distorted version of the apartment. It almost felt as if she were in one of the Saw movies. Then she’d search around, confused. 

Her wife’s name would be the only thing slipping past her lips. When she’d find Jeongyeon and reach out to her, the floor caved and she’d freefall into pitch black. Into nothingness.

Nightmares weren’t new to her. She always had them when younger. They only made a return just recently. Nayeon never understood the meaning of them. She didn’t want to either.

2:45 AM blared in red from the alarm on her nightstand. She groaned at the time and fell face-first into a pillow. With a mind of its own, her hand pawed at the other side of the bed. Oh, right. She banished Jeongyeon to the couch for being a bitch.

A dash of guilt beseeched her to go and drag her wife into bed. But her wounded hubris prohibited her body from moving. Jeongyeon had really hurt her this time. Other times Nayeon would have brushed it off and continued on with life.

Lately, with all her what’s-the-point-of-anything mindset, she’d been rethinking certain aspects of her life. Her employment being the first. And her marriage second.

It seemed that her marriage finally reached a wall. A dead end. They’re not who they used to be. Everything has changed. And she’s not sure that she’s the only one who’s taken note of this.

Jeongyeon either realized it too but chose to keep playing pretend or she really doesn't have a single clue of how crappy their relationship’s become.

Nayeon found her feet, deciding perhaps some tea will help her fall back asleep.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

The exhausted voice made her yelp. “Geez! You scared the shit out of me.”

“My bad.”

“Why’re you up?”

“Probably the same reason as you.”

She forwent the tea and instead sat next to Jeongyeon. “I was thirsty.”

“I can’t sleep on this shitty couch.”

Nayeon chuckled softly. “I’m glad.”

“I am really sorry for what I said earlier.”

“Forget it.” She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Things would worsen if they did.

“It’s not fair.”

“Hm?”

Jeongyeon nibbled her lip. She appeared to be in conflict. “You always decide whether we talk things out or not.”

“I’m saving us the stress.”

“We’re married, Nayeon. We _need_ to talk or…” She trailed off. Nayeon raised a brow in question.

“Or what?”

A pregnant silence blanketed over. Jeongyeon shook her head. This was why Nayeon favored to not try and discuss their problems because it always rounded to the same result. Jeongyeon would make minimal effort to make a statement but then immediately retract it.

“Nothing. I think I’ll work on some stuff.”

“Be my guest.”

Besides, they never have been the talking kind. They were more prone to relieving issues through physical motives; intimacy had been their go to problem fixer when they first got married. That had dropped to the bottom of the list now, so they were left with almost nothing to resort through their problems.

The conversation struck sleep in her. Nayeon tumbled back into bed, wondering if her marriage really had reached a brick wall. She no longer felt the same sensation she did as a newlywed nor as a youngin stupidly in love. 

Whether that meant the years they've been together have taken a steady pace or if she had grown accustomed and went along with the flow. 

Nayeon didn’t know if one or the other was good or not. 

~~~

It seemed so far away, the memory of them as two dumb, young adults. Madly in love. Trying to careen through the overwhelming responsibilities of adulthood. Nayeon wondered when and how her youthful spirit began to wither.

She stretched lengthily, like a cat waking from a siesta. Jeongyeon’s ban from the bedroom ended a few days ago, but she still woke up alone. 

Inhaling deeply, her nose took in the aroma of waffles(?). Breakfast? That was a surprise. If they fancied something to fill their stomachs before work it was coffee and sometimes toast. The delicious smell aroused a growl from her empty stomach.

Wiping the crud from her eyes, she never imagined stumbling upon an apron-wearing Jeongyeon happily humming to herself as she sliced an apple. The sight did warm her, inducing a flashback of when they first moved in together.

“Morning.” She croaked, sleep still coating her voice.

“Morning, sweetheart. I made us breakfast.”

The use of a pet name has Nayeon wondering if she’s woken up in another dimension. It’s been a long while since last hearing Jeongyeon call her that. 

“You’re usually in your office at this time.”

“It’s Saturday, thought it’d be nice to eat together instead of working.”

Nayeon hummed. It was too fishy. But for now, she’d play along until she can figure out why the sudden change of behavior.

As she took a bite of the waffle, Jeongyeon kept a steady gaze on her. “Did you poison this?”

“What? No!” Jeongyeon chuckled. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Well, you keep staring at me, almost as if you’re waiting for the poison to kick in.”

“It’s not poisoned.”

“That’s good to hear.”

She chewed slowly on another piece, exhaling contently through her nose. Nayeon had forgotten how amazing Jeongyeon was at making waffles. Or just how great it was to eat a full meal for breakfast.

“Everything’s good, right?” Jeongyeon asked, munching on an apple slice.

“Yeah, everything’s delicious.”

“I wasn’t referring to the food.”

Nayeon furrowed her brows in confusion. “Then what are you referring to?”

“To us.”

Ah. This breakfast wasn’t out of courtesy. It was a bribe. To make up for their troubles. Specifically, Jeongyeon’s mal-use of words. Sadly, not even a gourmet meal from a five-star restaurant was enough to mend the slashes in her pride.

Jeongyeon sighed, taking the silence as an answer. “I guess not.”

“I already told you to forget about it.”

“But I can’t. I hurt you.”

“Does it matter? I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“Are you though?”

“And that means what exactly?”

“Nevermind.” She grunted.

“Already in a bad mood?”

Instead of replying, Jeongyeon had excused herself. Nayeon watched her disappear down the hall. The slam of the door ruined her appetite. What the hell?

She made her way to Jeongyeon’s study, hesitating on knocking or just barging in. As annoyed as she could get never did she burst in rudely. Nayeon knocked four times.

“What the hell is up with the attitude?” She badgered in disbelief when Jeongyeon rolled her eyes.

“Nothing. Just forget about it.”

Oh. So it was gonna be like that? “Seriously?”

“What, you expect me to forget when you say so, why can’t you do the same?”

“Wow. Okay, fine.”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, Nayeon.” Jeongyeon sat back in her chair, clicking the mouse as she ordered, “Don’t forget to shut the door on your way out.”

Seething in white-hot anger, Nayeon did as instructed. Adding the slam as a personal preference. Maybe it’s hypocritical of her to act this way. But right now she didn’t care about that. 

“Be childish then!” Nayeon yelled at the door before grumpily stomping herself to the living room.

Two can play at this game.

~~~

Springing upright and gasping, Nayeon clutched at herself. She patted her arms, chest, and face before allowing herself to lay back down. She looked around, familiarizing herself with the surroundings. She was on the couch.

She concluded having fallen into an anger-induced nap. Nayeon turned to the balcony doors, it was evening already.

Hearing a door open, Nayeon quickly fell back into her previous position, feigning to be sleep. Listening intently, she tried to map out the path Jeongyeon was taking. The fridge was opened, accompanied by soft mumbling. 

Her wife must be complaining about the lack of groceries. That was usually Nayeon’s job but lately, she didn’t bother with it. Too preoccupied with other things. AKA her impending future.

The footsteps grew closer to her. Nayeon stilled as stiffly as she could.

“Was I too rash earlier?” She heard Jeongyeon ask, feeling her presence next to her.

A familiar touch graced her cheek. A thumb rubbed the corner of her lips slowly. Nayeon almost flinched but restrained. 

“I just wonder if you’re even here anymore.”

Again with that. The pondering over her whereabouts. Earlier it didn’t make sense, but now it’s in clear print. It was all figurative.

“Or if…”

Nayeon waited. But a soft sigh only came.

When she heard Jeongyeon walk away, Nayeon took this moment to sneak into the bedroom. Lying in bed, many thoughts invaded her headspace. All hovering around Jeongyeon’s words.

The unfinished sentence pestered her all night.

~~~

Nayeon couldn’t get her mind off her wife’s unfinished words. All morning she clicked absentmindedly. Typed like a sloth. And the responses she gave were half-assed hums or the bare minimum of a yes or no.

She was not in the state to work.

“Nayeon, maybe you should head home early today.”

No. She couldn’t. She managed to slip out to work without being noticed. So, Nayeon was totally unprepared to go home and actually face Jeongyeon. Especially after their little mishap.

“I’m okay.”

“You don’t look it.”

“When do I though?” Sana opened her mouth and contemplated. Nayeon stopped her with a raised palm. “Don’t answer that.”

“Troubles at home?”

“Why do you think that?”

Sana wiggled her left ring finger in the air. “Your hand’s a bit empty.”

Crap. Nayeon groaned softly, facepalming. She’d forgotten to put her ring back on after having taken it off for the quick shower she had this morning. This was a first.

“How is it that you noticed and I didn’t? Do you have super sight or something?”

Sana shrugged, getting up from her chair. She took slow steps towards Nayeon. “I just notice things about you.”

When the younger woman was right in her bubble, Nayeon chuckled nervously and rolled herself away. “Ha, aren’t you cute.”

“Nayeon,” Sana’s voice was deep. Suddenly sultry. A complete contrast from her usual fruity tone. “I...like you. A lot.”

Nayeon gulped. This couldn’t be happening. “Sana, you’re a nice girl and pretty too. But I’m married.”

“And?”

Geez. Such fierce attitude. Where had the shy cutesiness gone? This was a completely different woman. One with clear intentions that Nayeon ignored from the start. But impatience grew.

“Sana, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in you that way.”

“But your eyes betray you.”

“Wha-” A thin pointer hushed her.

Nayeon felt her eyes expand to their limit when Sana plopped on her lap. Her lower region reacted unwillingly. She despised her body for betraying her.

But it’d been months since feeling any physical connection of sorts. And she felt absolutely vulnerable.

“This can be our little secret. Nobody needs to know.” Sana rasped hotly into her ear.

Her skin tingled. This was similar to a dirty fantasy she once had as a pubescent teen. Hormones had skyrocketed once she copped a feel of her first boob. Such blessed simple times back then.

It’d be a lie if Nayeon didn’t admit to being a tiny bit intrigued by Sana’s little proposal. But. No. She couldn’t. She’d never let the crumbling affairs of her marriage drop her esteem low enough to find comfort in another place. In another being.

Nayeon gently guided Sana off her. She hoped this rejection of the younger woman’s advances didn’t create a wall between them. It probably would though. Best if it did. Hell, she wouldn’t be surprised if Sana were to quit or asked to be transferred to another department.

“We’re just friends, Sana. And we will _always_ be friends.” She enunciated with as much seriousness she could muster up.

“You don’t have to act so graciously. As much as you deny not wanting any part of this, I can see in your eyes that you’re actually desiring it.”

That was the betrayal of hormones. Nayeon shook herself off, gathering her things. She’ll take up the offer of heading home early.

“Think whatever you want but I don't and never did want any of this. I’m sorry that you mistook whatever it is you see in my eyes to feed your little delusions.”

It was harsh. But necessary. Nayeon had to end the preposterous imagination Sana carried. They couldn’t and wouldn’t. 

But Sana continued to prove her strong determination just before she walked out the door. 

“I like you, Nayeon. I know you’re not happy with Jeongyeon. I can make you happy.”

Nayeon snuffed, sparing a small glance. “Maybe. But relationships aren’t just about being happy.”

Surprised by herself, Nayeon took out her phone. She shot a text to her wife, demanding that they talk once she got home. An open, honest conversation was much needed. 

It’d be the final point on whether their marriage was a make it or break it.

Nayeon would never call herself an amazingly perfect wife--because who was these days--but she wanted to be better. To do better. To try and climb out of this hole she dug herself in. Because as much as her marriage may seem to be failing never would she turn to infidelity.

Among all the things she may be, cheater wasn’t on the list.

~~~

Not a single light was on. Odd. Jeongyeon always left the hallway light on for her. But tonight Nayeon entered a pitch black apartment. Plus, the kitchen was absent of any use. And the usual take out box that’d be left on the table is missing too. 

It almost felt as if she were living in an alternate universe. Like her nightmare.

But unlike her torturous night terror, the door of her bedroom was lit underneath. A sign of reality. Hopefully a good one. Because Jeongyeon was usually in her study around this time.

Nayeon could practically sniff the anomalousness in the air. It didn’t settle well.

Tentatively, she opened the door, preparing for the worse. What met her eyes couldn’t have been worse; a stone stiff Jeongyeon sitting on the bed with two duffel bags by her feet. This image translated into everything Nayeon had been thinking of for a while.

Separation. Divorce. An ending.

“Jeongyeon?”

“Oh, I didn’t know you had arrived.”

“What is this?” Nayeon asked with her eyes directed at the packed bags.

“It’s what it looks like.”

“You going on a business trip or something?”

“You said you wanted to talk?” Jeongyeon patted the spot next to her, a wavering smile on her face.

Was she too late? Was talking pointless now? Had Jeongyeon already decided for them? So many questions swirled in Nayeon’s headspace. Questions with answers that aimed blame and fault towards her.

“I did.”

“We haven’t _talked_ talked in a while,” Her wife inhaled deeply. “But let’s be candid throughout it. You first.”

“Is this still worth a fight?”

The burdensome question that held Nayeon’s mind a prisoner for some time now. It was now thrown out in the open. In the wild. Ready to be dissected and perhaps finally given an answer worthy enough.

Jeongyeon shrugged lightly, picking nonexistent lint from her jeans. “You tell me. Is our marriage worth an effort? Do _you_ still have it in you to keep going?”

“I tried to envision myself in the next five, ten years.”

“And?”

“I couldn’t. It was just...blank.”

“Not even I was in it?”

That hopeful tone speared her chest. Nayeon never liked unintentionally hurting anyone, especially Jeongyeon, but she hated lying too. So, for the sake of not losing the honesty left in their marriage, Nayeon told the truth.

“No, you weren’t.”

Jeongyeon swallowed, clearing her throat. “I see. But I’m not surprised.”

“You’re not?” Because Nayeon was by her.

“Don’t mean to be presumptive but I noticed you not really being here these past months.”

Again with the not being here. She’s right here for god's sake. Willing to talk and find a way to make things better. To bring back the passion. To make their flame strong again.

“And you are?” She didn’t mean for it to come out snappy but Nayeon was beginning to feel frustrated. “Whenever you show initiative you suddenly drop it and head straight to your hell hole of a study.”

“I, er, well,” Jeongyeon stuttered, fidgeting in spot. “It’s not that I don't want to say anything it’s just...ugh.” She gave up and sighed loudly.

“See? Exactly my point.”

“I guess I don’t know what’s the right thing to say.”

That Nayeon could understand. The hesitation to say something and worry about it not being the lucky winner. But the matter of saying the correct thing was all Russian Roulette in any given relationship. Sometimes what may be the wrong thing to say is actually the right and vice versa.

Which was why talking was all part of the gig. It allowed one to gather perspective and opinion. Communication was set as a basic human need to survive. Besides water and food.

“Just say whatever’s on your mind.”

“You really want to know?”

She did. And didn’t at the same time. Mostly because Nayeon was afraid of what would be said. 

Nayeon swallowed down the feeling rising in her throat. “I do.”

“I think...our time’s been past its limit. Call me selfish but I can’t find it in myself to stay while you float away every second. So, I’m making the decision to leave first.”

That was expected. The packed bags gave it away so well. They weren’t a sign of a quick trip. It was a farewell. A goodbye Nayeon didn’t want. Not anymore.

“Don’t leave. I know, we’re struggling right now but we can fix it.”

“Nay, come on, who are we kidding? We’re not who we used to be. Our marriage isn’t what it was four years ago.”

Ah, how time flies. Four years of being hitched. Plus an extra two of dating and falling hopelessly in love. Six years is what they were. Six years of smiles, laughter, tears, and frowns.

She’ll never forget their first meeting. The start of their third year in college. A then blonde Yoo Jeongyeon stumbled through the door of their creative writing class extremely late. She arrived halfway through the lecture and blamed her tardiness on car troubles.

Nayeon had never been so intrigued in a person than she was at that moment. Hence leading her to act out of character and ask Jeongyeon out for drinks. Gaydar is a myth but Nayeon was certain that Jeongyeon had the same interests as her.

Or so she had told Jeongyeon. It was actually the woman’s middle and ring finger that gave it away.

Thus they dated, kissed, made love--whenever they had a chance-- and moved in together. That was it. Nayeon was settled. She was sold for the steady life. 

Then came a diamond ring on their second anniversary (from Jeongyeon). The second diamond ring came only weeks after (from Nayeon, because she was also going to propose that same night but was beat to it so she opted to wait a tiny bit).

But now six years later the topic of separation was at the tip of their tongues.

“You forgot this here.”

A gold circle takes place in the space between them. It doesn’t shimmer like it once used to. Probably because Nayeon had stopped believing in it for a while.

“Jeongyeon--”

“Guess there's nothing more to say. This,” She gestured to the symbol of their union. “Explains it all.”

“I did want a divorce. I was tired of feeling tied down to something that was no longer alive.”

“Why didn’t you just say so? Why pretend that you’re fine?”

“I’m not heartless enough to ask for a divorce just because I was bored.”

“So, are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Still bored.”

She was walking on eggshells with this question. “I...don’t know.”

“Okay, well--”

“But,” Nayeon interrupted, sliding her wedding ring back to its respectful spot. “I want to change that. I realized that no matter how far I drift, I don’t want anyone else to do this marriage business with.”

“You’re just saying that, but do you mean it?”

Of course, she meant it. Or else she wouldn’t have bothered with any of this. Frustration was settling from Jeongyeon’s reluctance to understand that she wanted to erase her previous attitude.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“I know,” Jeongyeon sighed, taking Nayeon’s hand in her own. “But I still believe space will do us some good.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re coming back right?”

“Even if you didn’t want me to, I’ll always come back to you.”

Gosh darn. Nayeon felt a familiar stinging in her eyes. She blinked twice, trying to keep the tears at bay. She couldn’t cry now. “Where will you go?”

“I’ll stay at my sister’s.”

“Oh...Okay.”

“Alright, I’m gonna go.”

Feeling helpless, Nayeon wanted to drag Jeongyeon back and lock her up. But her wife was right. They needed time apart. To sort themselves out. To untwine the twisted thoughts of negativity roaming around their marriage.

“Jeongyeon?” Nayeon called out last second. Her confidence wavered.

Backtracking into the room, Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow in question. “Yeah?”

Three words were trying to drill themselves out of her mouth. But she felt unable to formulate them. Her vocal cords failed her. Nayeon instead chose to walk to Jeongyeon and mindlessly place a gentle peck on her cheek.

“Bye,” Nayeon muttered with a raspy voice.

Once Jeongyeon was gone, Nayeon collapsed in their--her--bed. Her psyche was heavy as hell. This feeling of emptiness was inevitable. And it was her doing. She allowed for things to accumulate this way.

Nayeon was only human. She had many flaws. Ones very noticeable, like her inability to contain annoyment or frustration. Others hidden spectacularly, like the scrunching of her entire face to withhold the sob dreading to release itself.

She was good at holding back sadness. So much to the point, she’d forgotten that she, too, can weep her soul out.

If she could take back all her gloomy fatalistic ruminative of the tragedy she claimed her marriage to be, she would a hundred times. But the past is impossible to alter. She didn’t want to wake up one day and reflect on a past full of burning regrets. Not having done something while the chance was still open would forever be a burden.

Shit. She really messed up.

But the reality was fluid. The present could be changed. And much more the future. Nayeon would try until she wore herself out to fix it all until everything felt right.


End file.
